I wake with a smile
an unusual feeling of happiness
a thought of sitting with you in the sandbox
but I realize all too quickly that it is only a memory.

Intangible beauty that once was
no longer exists in the physical world I know.
I long to feel that sand between my fingers
that hair atop your head
those feet dangling from your limbs

I try my hardest to appreciate what we had
what you gave us
but I find I'm enveloped in anger
selfishly pounding fists
throwing fits
wanting to remove myself
rewind
go back there once more

I should have done everything
should have grabbed you that night
when you cried as we parted
never let go
like all those times I fought to stay

I told myself I'd see you again.
Every time I convinced myself,
repetition reenforces behaviors

I believed that night I would
but I was proven naive once again.